ROCK STAR BANANAS FOSTER THAT WILL KNOCK YOUR PANTIES OFF!!!

Artist credits pending

Bananas are quite possibly the perfect fruit, especially for this blog. They are low-calorie, nutrient-rich phallic aphrodisiacs that can also make delicious, sticky lube in a pinch. And if you’re just a bit extra naughty, the peels make fun little whips. No wonder some Indians offer them to fertility gods; Islamic lore suggest it was the forbidden fruit; the red sap is regarded by some Central Americans as an elixir to enhance one’s libido; the list goes on according to Google. In celebration of the widely versatile and revered banana, I present to you the Michael Hutchence of desserts! Second time I’ve referenced male sex-icons; don’t read too much into that.

Because of the showmanship involved, bananas foster is hands-up my favorite, and this is a conglomerate of preparations I’ve had since childhood. The most influential was from a little up-scale restaurant in my hometown, Big Jim’s. The owner was a well-loved, great big Greek dude without a filter or volume control. His establishment was renowned for quality, but he was also a master of presentation - bordering on gaudy. He employed a fellow virtuoso, who would flawlessly enact a table-side demonstration, which would go on to inspire my later performances (I owe you for this one, Wes)

Necessities:

Artist credits pending

• Some damn bananas, of course. Make sure they’re a little on the “greener/firmer side.” 
• Quality vanilla bean ice cream (Don’t skimp. You want a solid ice cream that won’t melt immediately) 
• Light brown sugar, about 1 & ½  cup 
• Butter, about 1/3 stick 
• I use 99 Bananas Liqueur because it's 99 Proof, about ¼ cup 
• I use Bacardi 151 Rum - it kicks it up a notch, about 2 tbsp 
• Cinnamon, about ½ tsp 
• Nutmeg, about ½ tsp 
• Clove, about ¼ tsp 
• Fresh orange zest, about 1 tsp 
• Fresh Mint leaves (garnish, but still important)

This recipe is pretty dangerous, but if you pull it off, then you can . . . pull it off *Giggity*

1. Cut the bananas as you please. I like to cut them in half, then twice length-wise for a total of eight pieces. 
2. Over medium heat, melt the butter 
3. Mix the Cinnamon, Nutmeg and Clove 
4. Add the light brown sugar and orange zest along with the spices, but save a few pinches of the spices for later. 
5. Talk shit and patiently stir until only a small amount of gritty consistency remains, at which time you . . . 
6. Add the bananas and carefully stir them in the mixture, then as they soften . . . . 
7. Dim the lights a bit 
8. Place the liqueur and rum in a cup with a handle or a small sauce pan and carefully light it 
9. Hold flaming concoction over the pan and slowly pour it in from about 3 inches from the bananas and while pouring in the blue flame, raise it up higher but keeping it from splashing out. Catching fire is not sexy, but this makes you look amazing. It’s worth the risk. 
10. While your audience is “wowed” from the flaming bananas foster, sprinkle in the spices that will brilliantly burn in the flames and look really awesome. 
11. When the flames go out, remove from heat and serve over quality vanilla bean ice cream. 
12. Garnish with Mint

  YOU'RE A ROCK STAR!!!

Lifted from his profile pic, Michael Hutchence Facebook page

Leonard Cohen

Here’s a quickie to start out easy, but don't underestimate its potency.

Lifted from www.artistdirect.com

Named after one of my idols whose discography I own nearly all on vinyl, I call it the “Leonard Cohen” without his permission. I did ask on his Facebook page but Leonard Cohen hasn’t answered yet – but I hear him calling all night long (Tower of Song reference). I figure he would be honored as Mr. Cohen is a dangerously seductive, French-Canadian, Poet-King of Music. (And speaking of the King, you know Elvis had a thing for fried PBJs; however, they did not serve him well, RIP)

As with any of these recipes, mood is key. The atmosphere demands perfect lighting and sound. I suggest Maître Cohen’s Dance Me to the End of Love, I’m your Man, Closing Time, etc . . If you have none, stop being a Philistine and go get some! It may be all you really need.

Necessities:

Fresh Croissants (French)

Nutella (Canadian)

Peanut butter

Banana

Jam I like grape. She prefers raspberry. We compromise and use raspberry . . means-to-an-end, ya'll

Extra Virgin (LOL) Olive Oil mister Only if it’s available to you!

Let's get to it - this can get messy, but that can also be a good thing!

1. Lights, music, sexy eyes (requires practice in front of a mirror) 
2. Cut the moist, fresh croissants in long halves, but not all the way. They should be slightly attached and somewhat suggestive *wink* 
3. Ever so lightly, spray the croissant inside and out with EVOO. DO NOT USE A BRUSH – you’ll put too much on and fuck it up. The EVOO just makes it nice and crisp; you don’t want it greasy . . . yet. 
4. Open-faced, toast the croissants to a light brown in a pre-heated oven at 350 degrees. 
5. Spread Canada’s gift to the world on one side 
6. Spread George Washington Carver’s gift on the other 
7. Spoon on some jam 
8. Finally, arrange very thinly sliced bananas in the introitus

Now, say something funny, make her laugh, use protection, and if you’re adventurous maybe a little Nutella, jam and GO BANANAS!!

Who am I and what authority do I have to blog about sex and the culinary arts?

It’s no secret that I’m fond of food and company. I’d much rather go hungry than to not share my meal. As the social element of dining is crucial for me, the pinnacle of social interaction, love-making, is only a natural accompaniment, thus the tongue-in-cheek title.

Who am I and what authority do I have to blog about this? I am no one special, and I have no authority. I am an early 30-something family guy who practices high-stakes medicine and researches cancer in the field of pharmacogenomics. I live in a southern US coastal city and prefer dogs to cats. I’ve never seriously considered myself a chef but enjoy preparing food. I won’t pretend to approximate the skill of professionals. Indeed, I have “taken liberties” with their work. These are simply a collection of very memorable experiences that were modified to my taste and expectations – not necessarily better but changed to my liking.

Will these combinations of ingredients get you laid? Each of them has worked for me. Also, it’s statistically/biologically plausible. Fellas, women are particularly sensitive to smell, taste, texture, and presentation of food. A satisfying meal causes release of dopamine (brain’s happy chemical) associated with reward (orgasm). Chocolate is especially potent. Ladies, you’ve got to be kidding – just warm up some leftovers if it makes you feel better. All you really need to do is show some cleavage; we’ll do the rest. Although our behaviors are very different, the dopamine hypothesis does apply to guys, as well. Furthermore, if you shunt blood away from the periphery to digest food, then more blood is available for autonomic functions (part of the nervous associated with getting it on) especially augmenting male preparedness for “being social.”

But will you get lucky? To really answer that question: your partner is most appreciative of the effort that you put into carefully preparing a meal or treats for his/her enjoyment. It’s even better if you both can participate in the process as it is a marvelous way to get to know one another. This should be reserved for simpler recipes like the first to be posted. Speaking from experience, my wife and I had self-inflicted the “lasagna test” which questioned our overall compatibility as a couple. If the two of you can make complex lasagna from scratch, then you should probably marry.

I hope you enjoy this blog and find it useful.

Cheers,

Chef Bafo!