Wednesday, November 30, 2011

PRIMAL BANG


Any time I experience orgasms most mortals wouldn't survive, I habitually take note of what we had for dinner. One recent near death experience followed a millennia-old tradition. I came back from a hunt, with meat. She was ovulating and hormonally optimized. I cooked a rugged and fucktastic meal. Primal urges prevailed.

Anthropology of Sex or more specifically, Evolutionary Sex Psychology has always fascinated me. Yes, I may be pulling words out of my ass, but there will always be an echo from our Hunter-Gatherer days emanating from the recesses of our mid-brain, controlling our hormones, and modifying our sexual behaviors.

For example, I was flipping through a men's mag a few years ago and as I recall, it stated that today's women remain physically attracted to men with strong physical features, particularly a low brow, chiseled facial structure, and of course muscular. I've also perused academic ethnographs on the subject matter supporting this theory, as well. They typically go on to state that while females desire to breed with these super-males, all is not lost; they look for security from another more capable modern partner to have a lasting relationship.

 
This is where I invite you to tap into those hunter gatherer needs and desires that are so primal, and use them to your advantage. *Go hunt. Kill your own dinner as opposed to relying on an animal farm to process it. Cook it over a flame. Grow hair on your chest (This one's directed more at the guys). Get some cave woman pussy. It's really that simple.


*A brief note on hunting: Although wild game is a superior, low-fat, high-protein, free-range, antibiotic-free, pesticide-free, organic meat, it can be dangerous to do-it-yourself. Not everyone has the skill or psychological ability to kill an animal. Don't do anything you don't want to do. There's always wild game at Whole Foods, Trader Joe's or any other luxury food mart. I recommend New Zealand venison filet (here, we just call it deer meat).

The choice cut is the loin filet or psoas muscle, also called "back tenders." It is among the most exquisite and flavorful meat you will ever taste. This is how I do it:


Several two-inch cubes of venison filet
Thin bacon strips
Tooth picks
Apple cider
Your favorite barbecue sauce

In the refrigerator, soak the filets overnight covered in cider. Pat dry, and marinate with BBQ sauce for at least two hours. Wrap in thin bacon, securing with a tooth pick; thick bacon will ooze too much fat and cause flare ups if cooking over coals.  Grill until the bacon is crispy and blackened. Serve up some man meat.

Friday, November 11, 2011

CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKE OVERTURE




From Funatiq.com
So you enjoyed last night's opus and your sexual appetite demands an encore?

Pancakes are a great start and are among the easiest breakfast meals to whip up. The most important thing to remember is to NEVER buy pancake mix! You're better than that. Here's a basic pancake mix from scratch that you can easily have your way with. For example, take out the chocolate and add some bananas, raspberries, or blueberries, etc. Make it your own, ya sexy bitches.

From Godiva Manor
INGREDIENTS:
From Godiva Manor
3/4 cups of cake flour (If you use all-purpose, then sift it about 20 times, but I suggest springing for the good stuff.)
1 1/2 tablespoon of cocoa powder
1/2 tablespoon of baking powder
1/2 tablespoon of sugar
1/2 teaspoon of salt
1 1/2 tablespoons of melted butter
1/2 cup of milk - If you thought ahead (you confident fuck), buttermilk can sub in at a 1/4 cup, but use a 1/4 cup of milk, too.
1 egg
Semi-Sweet chocolate chips to taste

Simply, whisk together all the dry stuff, except the chocolate chips. Scramble the egg and mix with all the wet ingredients. Blend both to a smooth batter, then add the chips to your liking. Cook over medium heat in a non-stick pan. Don't try to flip them without a spatula unless you've practiced to a 100% success rate. Dropping your pancake on a burner is not sexy.

To "kick it up a notch," make whipped cream by whipping 1 cup of heavy cream, 1 teaspoon of vanilla and 2 tablespoons of sugar. You can add a few ounces of softened cream cheese, if you like. 
From Godiva Manor

Serve the pancakes with whipped cream, and sprinkle with more chocolate chips. For extra fuck-points, dust with confectioner's sugar to garnish.



These are so tasty, you can even forgo the syrup. If you do use it, I recommend Oh Boy . . . . Oh God! Oh God! Yes!! YESSS!!

From the Rabbit of Seville
Which brings me to my final point . . . Gioachino Rossini: The Barber of Seville. The overture will mask the screams of joy, and it goes nicely with chocolate chip pancakes.